cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
