i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
