i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
