I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
