We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
