Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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