I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize