Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
