hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
