kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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