my vag is so smooth its legendary
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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