with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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