he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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