At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
