I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize