He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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