What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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