Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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