i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
