can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
