Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
