Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize