She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
