The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
