I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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