I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
