Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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