So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
