you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
