My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
