i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
