swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
