she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my being single is dangerous.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
