I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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