A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I want a musical about memes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
