I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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