I could make wine with my vomit
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
