so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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