ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
