if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
