I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
