During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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