On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is it because I queefed?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
