Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
