Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
