I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
