i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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