i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
