i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
