I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
