Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
