last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All the doctor said was why
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
