Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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