Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
