Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
