Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Blood and glitter go together right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
