shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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