Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
