you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
