I could make wine with my vomit
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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