just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she told me i tasted like america
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
