i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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