Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he thought i was a dude.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
