I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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