Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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