Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
