turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
