am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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