Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
