I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
